Feel it don't think it.

this is not a horizon, 'Drawing Now' Linchpin Gallery, Eastbourne from October 6th -26th 

Disconnect shell collage 1

Drawing is a language we should all practise. If you do it often enough it becomes a natural extension of you. Distance yourself from ideas that drawing should be this or that. Drawing is mark making, expression, thought.

If I apply this same freedom to other areas in my life I can get a better sense of myself unconstrained by what other people or groups think. Without judgement. This in term allows for a stronger integrity and truth.

My disconnect series continues with work based on reflecting a state of mind, a psychological self portrait. Investigating my history, my reaction to influences in my life such as faith, family, culture, education and location. Black graphite is something I strongly identify with and use a lot. I am using a combination of  representative forms such as triangles and landscape as a structure for thoughts, feelings and emotions.

It feels clumsy and shaky but I think drawing gets more interesting the more vulnerable I feel, I often feel very nervous while I'm drawing. As I'm doing it though, strangely, there is a transferral of confidence and strength. As if another force is at work and that is my logic letting go and instinct becoming dominant I have to feel it not think it.

Oddly enough articulating this phenomena involves thinking not feeling it. Which lies at the heart of writing an artists statement. My conclusion is that I should see writing as drawing and get practising.

Juddering through my internal terrain

Internal terrain #1 

Yesterday I went to a very interesting talk by artist duo Annabel Tilley and Rosalind Davis at the De La Warr Pavilion. 

The A to Z of surviving as an artist. 

Annabel and Rosalind are founders of ZAP or 

<blockquote>www.ZeitgeistArtsProjects.com</blockquote>

What came across was passion, drive and 'can do' attitude. This duo is dynamic and entertaining Rosalind and Annabel seamlessly tore through the alphabet of do's and don'ts a lot of which were good old common sense, but who doesn't need a bucket full of that tipped over their heads now and again? It never ceases to amaze me how I can be thinking of doing something but just never really actually DO it. So I picked up a few salient points.

Be ambitious and audacious! This is strong stuff, sometimes I feel very ambitious and strangely guarded at the same time. But once broken into small enough chunks most things become reachable so I aim to grow into these characteristics and be more myself.  

Research doesn't just mean reading. It also includes (and thank goodness for those of us bad at and easily bored with reading web based text) visiting, talking, tweeting and building relationships face to face. 

So yay! I CAN do that after all. 

Set aside 10 mins each day to check over a few relevant blogs rather than try and read them all and then instantly forget everything.

Being an artist is a job like any other, you need to put in the hours and work hard at it. This is common sense GOLD. I reckon there are several other people out there like me who are still struggling with the inherited notion that it's a vocation and something to do in between other things ....but if we don't take ourselves seriously and develop strategies for all the blocks and hurdles that we encounter then who will?

Following that little revelation is the small matter of choice. I have a choice (ta da!) and need to practise using that right and become skilled at communicating it well, focussing my choices to make the most of opportunities for my artistic career. 

The 5 P's 

Persevere - keep on keeping on. 

Plan - research and use direct experiences 

Pick wisely - be aware of choices and agendas

Pernickety - agree to some things not everything and get details right. 

Posterity - what am I laying down for the future and how will that future be nurtured?

The reality is I am not emerging as an artist. I am juddering on as an artist....forwards a bit and then stopping before something spurs me on again. Does that resonate with you? 

I my next post: more of my latest judderings and some further explanation of the internal terrain series. 

Jerwood drawing prize

I entered along with over 2000 others for a place alongside 70 in the London show of the longest running drawing prize just daring to hope I might be accepted.

I was!

This is the drawing. 1x1.5m in graphite and charcoal called Longman.

I did have another one of a different section of the same hillside ....but I tore it up in anger. Was that wise I now ask myself?

In the Studio - work in progress.

I have spent a long time living with and looking at this first piece, as often happens it has been influenced by the progress I made with the second piece. The second piece was an outworking of the ideas from the first. Almost like the subconscious as opposed to the former conscious. The construction process is interdependent and has now developed another spur in a third piece. This is perhaps the abstract subconscious !?

The work is evolving from abstract landscape towards self portrait. Retaining identity from within the landscape there is now a new space beyond this where my internal psychological terrain is becoming a visual language. I am represented by shapes and forms and their relationships, colours are significant.

The narrative
Piece 1 Disconnect.
This piece is all about division, separateness, segmented parts of a whole within a context, the context is the land and the incoming tide spreading over the space between. The triangles are blocking, cramming and perhaps suffocating the connection of a wider sense of calm brought in from the larger free moving forms appearing from the right. In order for connection and flow there must be destruction.

Piece 2 Disconnect 2
This piece has a strong naive presence, holding back, repressing or simply containing fragility depending how you look at it. Protected or held back. Bold or vulnerable.

Piece 3
This is simply a self portrait I am not even sure I can articulate why other than to say it's language is visual so words don't seem to work. It's more about getting an abstract sense of me and how I see myself at this point in time. If it helps I identify strongly with the black triangle though I wonder if both the White square and the Black triangle are two aspects of me, their placement is significant the White square moving in from the right.

Getting on with life...

Today I have visited the Blue Monkey studio in Eastbourne to consider a space and it's implications, registered this drawing called Longman for the Jerwood drawing prize, submitted a proposal for the De La Warr Pavilion's Big Draw in October and visited my work in Hailsham at Gallery North soon to come down at the end of the month.

Next month I will be selecting some work to hang in the Towner Gallery cafe space and hearing whether my submission to the Hop Gallery Open, Lewis, has been successful.

Drawing

Internal terrain 1

Internal terrain 2

Internal terrain edge 3

External terrain
Wet, dripping. Heavy green trees, mud and blue bells a steam flowing fast and big drops of rain falling on the page. Cold and slippery ferns uncurling, birdsong and drops.

Accidental triangles

I love work when I discover edges, events that were not planned. Spontaneous results of creativity or openness. These triangle collages are just this, they are glimpses of movement, of colour, lightness, playfulness, geometry and a little puzzling. like catching something from the corner of your eye.

Disconnect is progressing slowly ....I like it but I don't know where it's heading yet. Playing a waiting and looking game now.